I've got a new blog... yeah, done with this place.

Can you believe this damn song got stuck in my head?  I haven't heard it in forever.  It's a song the kids from the Brady Bunch sing.  I dunno, all I know is that it's extremely weird.  Thought my mom would get a kick outta it but she didn't, just looked at me like I was strange.

Think I'm gonna work on getting a picture gallery up on here... just a random thought ;-)

Okay then, on to the good stuffs.  Me and Mallory are good again, I knew we would be... she just had to get over herself.  She's moving to Alabama next weekend while I'm at the beach so we spent all weekend together, well with the exception of today.  Friday she wanted to hang out with me so right after work I went over her aunt's house where she and Lily (her almost 11 month old baby) were with her grandma (will be called Mims from now on).  Mims came in from Alabama on Thursday because her daughter Vanessa was going to Mexico Saturday and Mims was going to house sit for her.  Anyways, I went over there and we left to go buy hair dye.

Once we went to Dollar Tree and got the dye from Sally's Beauty Supply and picked up her boyfriend Randy, we made our way back to Vanessa's house.  Every other week me and Adam go to this bar that's around the corner from my house to hang out with his old roommate and some people he used to go work with (along with his ex-girlfriend Brandi; she's really nice and is married and has a baby now so it's all good), and Friday was that day.  But plans changed at the last minute and we wound up at Adam's.  Things got kinda crazy.  Mallory had been itching to drink for quite a while but she never got the chance.  So she had quite a bit of Sangria (if you add Big Red or any other red soda, it's way easier to drink), I had some Mike's Hard Cranberry Lemonade, Adam had some beer and Sangria, and we shared a joint.  It was great irresponsible fun. :-p And it was much needed.

Randy stayed sober so he could drive home and I obviously couldn't drive, so they were kind enough to drop me at my house.  I bought them some McDonald's breakfast since we left at 4am and it was sooo good!  I slept in until like 1pm Saturday afternoon and then Mallory came over and dyed my hair.  We parted ways; a friend's band was playing in Dallas that night, this band hasn't played together for three years so it was sort of a big deal.  Me and Adam were gonna go but he wound up working until late and it was storming really bad and we didn't want to go anymore.  So we went to Mallory's aunt's house and watched Juno with them; Adam bought some bourbon so we had some bourbon and Coke, yummy.

The movie lasted for quite a while because Lily wouldn't stop crying or being loud so we spent a while trying to get her to go back to sleep.  But yeah, went home and went to bed afterwards because it was 2am when the movie was finally over.  I slept until 1pm again today; I couldn't help it, I'm exhausted.

So I'm very relieved that me and Mallory are alright again; I hate being angry with her.  We're both just too stubborn and neither of us wanna apologize first.  She texted me about our senior English teacher and said nothing about the fight we'd had; that's how it is with us.  We just move on.  This time it was her that had to do it first; she wouldn't answer my calls or texts.

Moving on... though I'm not sure to what.  Hah, actually I need to get going.  I'm considering studying some of my Spanish before going to bed; I've got like three quizzes to do this week before Thursday (going to the beach) otherwise there are two I'll have to do while I'm there.  Then next Tuesday is when my final is; I will be in the car all day on Monday so not much time to study for that either.  We'll see how much I can get done.

So yes, I think I shall get to it then.  Night!

Oi, once again I'm keeping with my tradition of blogging only once in a blue moon.  I was doing so good for a while there too!  I apologize for this... I've not fallen off the face of the earth.  Just life's been... hectic.

My grandfather is home and is doing well.  Me and Adam are doing great, better than we have in a long time.  Me and Mallory (best friend) had a fight and she's being a major bitch.  That's the brief recap... now onto longer things...

Adam and I had a rough spot around my birthday but we have since made up and moved on, thankfully.  A big part that saved our relationship is that he got his own apartment, so he is no longer living with his parents.  Now we get the alone time that we've been needing, ya know just some privacy and the ability to watch movies without worrying about anyone being around.  Among other things, if you catch my drift. ;-) But yeah, things are amazing and I'm so grateful for that; it's so good to know that all of those times I refused to let him break up with me have paid off and now we are doing better than we have in a very long time.

He wants to move to Australia.  It was a bit random, but it was also after a depressive state induced by alcohol.  The night before he told me that he wanted to move to Australia, he got pretty ticked off at himself.  He's felt himself drifting away from his buddies and it just sort of climaxed for him.  What happened is that everyone always goes to the river at the end of May for his best friend Matt's birthday.  Adam had asked Matt a few months ago if there was going to be a river trip and he said no, so me, him, his cousin Angela, and her boyfriend David began planning a trip to the beach.  Since Adam is going to school, he only has one week off during the summer and so this is the only time we can really go.  So we booked a hotel and then found out last week that they were all going to the river this past weekend.  Adam was pissed and it only climaxed last week.  I had never experienced him like this and I was crying the whole way back to his apartment.  He told me that he's jumped in front of a truck before (which I knew) and told me that he had cut himself before (which I didn't know).  This only made things worse.

We got to his apartment and I was just gonna say good-night and go home so that he could go to sleep.  But he wanted me to go inside and he told me that I saved him that night.  So I refused to go, he was still pretty depressed, and I really didn't want to leave him alone until I knew that he'd be alright without me.  He began talking about school and stuff, dissing his artwork from eight years ago.  He said he didn't know if he wanted to be a nurse now, he wanted to go back to Graphic Design.  I finally got it through his head that he's on the right path, that he's doing good.  He told me a year ago that he was scared he'd end up on the streets and he hasn't yet.  He's going to school right now and he's correcting his mistakes.  I'm really proud of him.  Then he went to the bathroom and reappeared naked and hyper, so things were good again.

So anyways, after everything that he'd told me the night before, his news about wanting to move to Australia sort of shocked me.  I'd been trying to get him to want to move to Salem, Massachusetts with me in a couple of years but he refused.  He always said it was because of his friends.  But with his realization, he now wants to move around the world.  He wants to live on the beach... he loves the ocean.  But the more that I think about it, the more content I become.  My parents or brother doesn't like him, he doesn't really care much for his parents anymore, and I kinda wanna get away too.  I want to start fresh.  This would be difficult for me, but I think it'd be fun too.  And who wouldn't wanna travel??

So now the Mallory thing... eh, I don't really feel like getting into it.  I just think it's over now.  Whatever.  I've come to terms with that too and now it doesn't matter to me whether we're friends still or not.

Ah, yes and school.  I was so shocked to see that I got a B in my Statistics class!  I was so scared of the final because it was written by all of the Stats teachers.  So this was a very pleasant surprise, especially since I was expecting at least a C. :-)

And summer classes.  Well, I'm taking Spanish II and Government right now for Summer I.  I don't have any classes next summer-mester because I didn't know you signed up for all of them at the same time and didn't have money for more.  I haven't really done anything for my Government class yet (hehe, I need to read the damn book), but I have already taken a quiz for Spanish and got a 96!  So yay, that was great.  And the vocab list for this quiz had like 100+ words... So I'm really excited about this second one, the list is half as long. :-p

Well, my dog is now begging me to put more food on my bed (he is at my door, scratching on it, when he could be getting it himself) and it's getting late.  I wanna play some more Sims before I go to bed.  So... more later! :-)

Eh... I'm in a good mood so for now this is my new layout. :-p

Anyways, so I don't remember if I ever showed you my new tattoo. Well if I didn't, there it is. Hurt like a bitch but that's okay, I didn't cry.

And some other updates. Well, really the only one to my appearance is my hair. When I first had it chopped off on Sunday it looked like this. But last night my sister-in-law dyed it for me and now it looks like this (two other pictures here and here). At first I wasn't happy with it, I was kinda embarrassed by it. But now I'm trying to get opinions; I think now that it's dyed darker, it looks a ton better. So I'm supposed to be getting it fixed tomorrow night but now I'm not so sure that I want to. I kinda like it now.  Oi, what do I do?!

Pappy (grandfather) is now in a rehabilitation center that has physical therapy sessions with him daily.  He's doing amazing and he's been there for about a week or two now.  I have yet to see him but definitely this weekend I want (have) to.

I'm getting some things in my life accomplished.  A week ago I signed up for summer classes and fall classes.  Yay!  And today I bought a break light for my tail light thingy.  I've got a crack in the plastic so it keeps killing my bulbs.  Well got this grease stuff to put on it and the dude at Auto Zone said to drill a tiny hole in the bottom of my plastic cover so it can drain better.  Good idea!  Which reminds me that I totally forgot to ask Dad if I can do that.  And I'm either going to be getting my car inspected tomorrow or Thursday (two months late!) and the oil changed too (also about two or three months late!).

And I'm trying to start losing weight as well.  So is Adam so that makes things a bit easier, especially since he will be getting an apartment on my birthday (good timing huh?).  But anyways my goal is to be able to wear a bikini this summer -- namely by July 3rd when we leave for the beach.  Which means a lot of work must be done.  I'm going to begin walking soon.  Haha, I keep saying that but I haven't done it.

Gonna walk a mile a day for two weeks then up to either a mile and a half or two miles.  And then just keep going up every couple of weeks.  My problem is that yes I do walk around campus but not that far.  The first semester I was going to UNT and living in a dorm, I was maintaining a healthy weight.  And then the second semester one of my friends started driving me almost everywhere and I began ballooning up in size.  So now I'm pushing 170 pounds, the heaviest I've ever been.  And the lightest I've been was two years ago after my jaw surgery I was 129 pounds.

So I've gained 41 pounds in two years :-( So not good.  Anyways, so I've been thinking about this quite a bit tonight because on Discovery Health Channel they've been doing a Dr. Oz type marathon thing.  A lot of shows about him and how to get thin and stuff.  So it came at about the right time this time around -- last time I caught it was when I wasn't serious about it.  It's just so hard when I live with my parents and my mom doesn't care enough to feed her family with healthy non-fatty food.  All we have is cheap white bread, which has high-fructose corn syrup in it instead of whole weat.

So annoying.  And frustrating.  So I'm anxious for Adam to move out; he wants to eat healthy so I can just eat with him all the time.  So much easier when you're the one doing the shopping.  I so wish I could do my family's shopping.  But they don't care and I don't have the money for it.  I think one of these days I'm gonna go with my mom and show her everything she's buying that's bad for us.

Hey, sounds like a great plan, I shall do that.

Anyways, I need to get to sleep now, I'm tired.  Thanks for reading another looooong entry by me! :-p

Grandfather's doing great!  They took the breathing tube out today and put him on an oxygen mask.  He was getting 100% oxygen today on his own!  And then about an hour ago my grandma called and said they took the oxygen mask off and put the oxygen tube that goes in your nose in.  So that's a huge improvement, in just a few hours!  And apparently his appetite is coming back, he wanted some pudding.  And the doctor may take his catheter out tomorrow!

I cannot express how excited and happy this makes me feel!  It's about time he heals and walks outta that hospital!  I really mostly just wanted to come and update on these new achievements he's made!

More lata.

A lot of stuff's been going on in my life.

A couple of weeks ago my grandfather on my dad's side had to have 5 bypass surgery. And he did really well. Things were going great, he was healing and it was a positive outlook.

Then things turned for the worst. Medicare wouldn't pay for his hospital bills anymore so the hospital had him transferred to this place called Health South. It's a rehabilitation place that has nurses and physical therapists. My grandmother on my mom's side went there after both knee replacement surgeries and they were great to her.

But Pappy wasn't ready to be moved yet. While it was looking up for him, he just wasn't ready. Before, while at the hospital, he had a big urinary catheter because he was clotting in his bladder. They (the nurses/doctors/whoever) decided they'd put a smaller catheter in. Things were okay with this at first, but then it got to the point where NOTHING was coming out into the catheter's bag. If you were a nurse, wouldn't you wonder what was going on? What was blocking this?

No one did. My dad went to see him Monday night and that's when things got worse. He saw that Pappy's stomach was really hard and swollen. Surprise, surprise... the catheter wasn't big enough to pass the blood clots. So the clots were coming out around the catheter, not through it. And even then, there were many more blood clots in his bladder than were being let out around the catheter. Supposedly there was blood all over his room and in the bathroom where the nurses there had tried to get some of the clots out.

He finally wound up back at the hospital, though this wasn't seen as an emergency just a transport. They worked on him all night Monday night. At one point he stopped breathing and had to be put on lifesupport. So I wound up (along with everyone else on my dad's side of the family) spending all day Tuesday at the hospital.

I hate this so much. Never had an issue with doctors before this, and it scares the crap out of me. What if they screw up again? Now he's coming down with pnemonia and has an infection in his lungs.

To get my mind off all of this, I've downloaded this game named Shaiya. It's a free MMORPG game and it's pretty fun.  It takes a couple of hours to download but then it's smooth from there on.

I changed my major and dropped the art classes I was in this semester.  Why'd I drop?  Well, I wouldn't do so great knowing they are pointless.  This gives me more time to focus on my math class (Statistics).  My minor is advertising.

Next Wednesday is me and Adam's 2 year anniversary; it's hard to believe we've been together that long because the time's just flown by.

Uhm... yeah, I don't wanna type anymore.  So...

Yeah it's been a really long time.  Changed how this thing looks a while ago because the other one was driving me insane.

Even though things are going amazing between me and Adam, I've been so frustrated.  This could be because of a mixture of things.  I haven't been getting much sleep lately.  It sucks, I really hate being so behind on sleep.  Of course the time change didn't help matters much... so it sucks even worse than it should; my body's having problems trying to adjust.  Another reason could be because I've been thinking about a very important decision in my life: changing my major.  And so I've been trying to figure that out as well.

Right now I'm a Graphics major.  But honestly that's never what I wanted to do; when I first began looking at colleges four years ago, I was looking for a Bachelor's degree plan for web design.  Well, I never found one, so I figured I'd go with Graphics and then just take the web route when looking for a job.  But the other day at advising, I was talking with another Graphics major who said she was taking this minor called Communication Technology.  I was like "What's that?" and she said "Oh it's web design".  My mouth dropped.  I couldn't believe it.  Why must they call it something so damn strange?

So, yeah... I've been looking at the classes that are required and everything, and I'm going to do it; I'm going to switch majors.  I never thought I'd be one to do that, but I am.  I'm more than excited about this Comm Tech program, so you can just imagine how I feel.  I mean, I've been doing websites since I was 11 (though keep in mind the first couple years was on GeoCities when they had the site maker thing... they were horrible looking...) and I'm doing them now freelance.

I have made some friends in the Graphics program, so it's gonna suck not seeing them.  But I know this is what I'm supposed to do.  I can just feel it, ya know?  It feels so right to me and I cannot express how excited this makes me.

Unfortunately, I cannot keep Graphics as my minor, so I've emailed the chair of the Comm Tech department for some minors that companies look for when hiring web designers.

So despite how amazingly excited I am, this is overshadowed by how freakin' tired I am.  I can't get over it, and it sucks.  I wanna be really excited.  But it's a mixture of migraines and sleepiness that is making me this way.  I just switched birth control pills so me and Adam both think this is what's wrong with me; it's my body trying to adjust.  So hopefully my body will be back to how it was before I switched.  Because, well, let's face it, it's not fun being this way.

Thank god for energy drinks.  I don't drink them much unless I absolutely cannot stay awake.  And today's one of those days.  I got a Full Throttle, the black one; it tastes okay, not great or anything.  My favorite is the purple Rockstar because it's got guava in it.

So yeah... I just wanted to come back and blog... so... that's it... got to get back to work now...

So it's been a while since I last blogged here.  Been busy with the holidays and everything that comes with it.

2008 has already begun on a shaky note for me -- online anyways.  I've already screwed up one board's database, but I'm not sure how.  It's just really frustrating when people trust you with their login information and they trust you to not screw shit up and that's exactly what I did.  It sucks and I hate it.  Especially when all I was doing is things I've done with every board I help out on, install a couple of hacks.  And I get a freaking database error.

It's just not cool.  And now I've got this guy who owns his own vBulletin and he's never even messed around with one before!  I thought I'd help him install it and now he's wanting to know how to do templates.  Good god.  This could be annoying...

Sorry for the pessimism.  I'm getting the beginning of PMS right now.  It sucks.  And these things are frustrating me.  Plus Adam isn't off work yet and he was supposed to get off like 40 minutes ago.  The days that I only get to talk to him on the phone for like 2 minutes at a time are my worst days.

But yes, ER is new!  One thing to look forward to.

Surprisingly, Dad's been watching the new Apprentice, the one with the celebrities.  I dunno if I like it.  We've never watched it before and I don't really get why all the sudden he's interested.

Blah.  So... I wanna buy a new domain here soon... I think that I know what I want, too.  But I won't mention it in case someone happens to wander across this and decides to be mean to me.

So yeah... gonna go now... I'll blog some more later...

So PMS really sucks... it's been bad. Luckily I go to the doctor in February and I'm gonna see about switching birth controls. I wanna try out Yaz, which is supposed to help with PMDD (really bad PMS -- I think that's what I have) so yeah. I just wish February wasn't so damn far away.

Other than all of the PMSing that's been going on, things have been really great. Saturday night my brother and his wife Meranda had a Christmas party. A ton of people showed up and it was really fun. The crappy thing? Well, I had a couple of glasses of Irish creme and got buzzed within an hour of being there. So I thought I'd slow down a bit so I wouldn't get wasted too fast. Big mistake. Instead I got a bad headache and so I barely drank anything else the rest of the night. Oh well.

But I did figure out what Adam got me for Christmas! He bought us tickets to go see Trans-Siberian Orchestra on December 28th! I'm so excited, I've been wanting to go to their Christmas concert since I was a senior in high school! That was about 4 years ago... I just never been able to go! Now I get to!

So excited about that! His hints were so obvious and I sort of wish he had kept his mouth shut about it all. But that's okay because I don't think I could have gone much longer without knowing what this big present was that he bought me. :-) So yay!

Blah, I feel so full and fat and bloated. :-( I will probably head out to play some World of Warcraft cus I'm a loser. But whatever, I don't care. I'm also easily amused so yeah... whatever. And what else am I supposed to do? I don't have class tomorrow so yeah... Hehe.

Gah, I'm so lucky to have my Adam! And guess what he said? I didn't even say this. He said "This is gonna be our second Christmas together!" And when he said it he said it all sweet like and I melted. :-) He makes me feel so happy like I never thought I would...

*Sigh* Okay I could go on and on about this, but... no... LoL I won't make you suffer.

So it's been a few days... let's see...

Friday night... yes, Friday night.  What a great night it wound up being.  I got so drunk, we went to a bar in Fort Worth.  It was great, we had to leave early because of how drunk I was.  There was 4 others in our group, so they suffered.  But!  It was fun either way.  And on Saturday morning I slept in until 1:30pm.  But yeah, Friday night (surprise!) Adam was the Designated Driver.  It wasn't official, but I guess that part of the reason I got really drunk was because I didn't want to be the one to drive home.  So because I got so wasted, Adam had to stay somewhat sober so he could drive home. :-)

He took really good care of me.  Finally got home at about 3am.  He helped me get into bed and all that.  My migraine medicine, I dunno how, but it makes me not have hang-overs.  It's great.  I just take 2 of my epidrin and I'm good to go.  I felt fine on Saturday morning, no nauseousness or anything, just sleepiness.  Love it!

So anyways, Saturday I went shopping with Meranda and her friend Lesley.  It was lots of fun.  Then that night me and Adam went to the sneak preview of The Golden Compass at the theater in the mall.  It was great!  Lots of fun, very good, and all that jazz. :-) So go see it on Friday when it's out everywhere!

And on Sunday, I got to take breakfast and dinner to Adam at work.  :-)

Last night I was writing in my real journal that I keep by my bed and realized that my entries lately have been just like the ones I wrote when me and Adam first began dating.  :-)  They're all gushy and lovey-dovey now.  I'm so relieved!  I dunno what kind of slump I was in but I'm so happy to be out of it.

Now I can actually tell when I'm PMSing because depressed is not my normal attitude anymore.  I'm just really happy.  And it's amazing to feel this way once again. :-)

Anyways, I've become addicted to a 10 day trial of World of Warcraft, a boyish game.  I dunno why, but I like these RPG games... they're fun.  LoL

Adam ended up feeling a lot better after work and took a two hour nap when he got home.  But yeah on my way home I just wanted to cry for no reason until I remembered that I'm PMSing now so blah. :-( So when I got home I watched three of this week's General Hospital, got to cry over Emily's funeral and felt great afterwards.  LoL, oi.  I was worried about how I would cheer myself up since we were going to be around a lot of people last night.  The Cowboys (football) were doing Thursday Night Football.

So anyways, we went out and everything was great.  I will admit there were a couple of times that things got a little bit shakey but it didn't last long and we were both laughing and smiling again.  The way home while Adam drove, I cuddled with his arm and put my head on his shoulder.  We talked about how good yesterday was for us and that we're good for each other because we're teaching each other very important life lessons.

Dropped him off at his house and found that his aunt (visiting from El Paso) was at his house and she's supposedly leaving soon (she keeps changing her mind though... LoL) so when I got home I realized that if his aunt was leaving today, I wanted Adam to say goodbye for me cus I wouldn't see her.  So I called and he didn't answer.  That was fine, I wasn't really expecting him too.  So I began reading The Golden Compass (re-reading it... so excited!! one week!) and he called me back.  He said that he noticed I had called so he called me back and he wanted to hear my voice again since today had been so good for us.

Gah, things are so much better and I feel a lot happier now.  I'm so relieved that we were able to salvage this relationship when it was falling to pieces.  I almost started crying when he said he called cus he wanted to hear my voice again before he went to sleep because that's something that I always do, he's never done that before.  I feel so lucky and so very grateful to have someone like Adam in my life.  I love him so much, way much more than I thought ever possible.

Things are finally working out.  We both got good jobs, I'm handling my emotions more and he's doing better about being a responsible drinker.  I couldn't be happier. :-)

Yeah, it looks kind of ugly but I've been trying to figure out LJ coding so I can fix it and make it all perty.  So, just wanted to let you know that I know it looks really bad.

Probably tomorrow I can fix it up.

Yesterday was a really great day :-) Went to lunch with Adam, his aunt, and his cousin.  That was good but I ate wayyyy too much!  Like always.  LoL Then went to work, wrote a paper (which today I found out it was supposed to be 5-6 pages... mine was only 3... it was on the syllabus and i read it yesterday before I wrote it and didn't see that part, so strange :-( Oh well...), went home then to Kohl's.  I got to go shopping for an outfit for my brother's Christmas party on Dec. 8th.  I don't see pictures of what I bought on Kohl's' website so I can't show you until I take pics at the party. :-( But it's really cute.  Then went over to my brother's house for dinner.

While I was shopping, Adam was out at a bar with his buddies.  Usually when he goes out without me he stays out until like 1 or 2am.  He called me at 10:45 saying he was home!  I was so proud of him :-)

The only crappy thing is that he's at work right now and he's sick.  He doesn't get sick often but he works at a doctor's office now so yeah... But he went ahead and went to work.  I hope he gets better soon cus I hate seeing him sick.  The last time he was sick it was really sad, he stayed at my house and slept a lot and looked like shit.

I hope this is just a cold, but there is something "going around" as they say so... I dunno.  My dad's even sick and he's a workaholic that never gets sick and he never takes off time from work for being sick but yesterday he was at home for half the day.  Sucks.

But yeah so now I'm at work and I've got NOTHING to do, thank god!  It feels good!  Hehe, so excited!  I might blog some more later, so I dunno... keep your eyes open!

Well, it's been a while since I last blogged so I figured I'd type up a really quick one for you guys.

Things have been going great between me and Adam.  It's amazing. :-)  The only frustrating thing is our sex life.  No, it's not having to do with issues or anything... Adam's living with his parents so we can only do it before 5.  But lately, his 24 year old brother Danny has been coming over during the day.  We finally had a chance to today after a week.  I wanted to on his birthday last Monday but we couldn't because Danny was here so I had to wait until Tuesday.  I just don't understand why he's there all the time.  Danny doesn't live there, he's renting a house with three other guys like 30 minutes away.  So you know he's using a shitload of gas.  It's just really annoying.

But yeah, that's the only bad thing going on right now.  Adam said he's hoping to be financially able to afford an apartment for himself in February.  His older step-brother Nick is getting out of jail in April and Adam wants out of the house before he gets out because Nick will be moving back in too.  And Danny might be as well.  Adam wants his space and I want him to have his space.  We never get to hang out and watch movies anymore because there are always parents around us.  So we go out to the movies all the time.  It was so much more fun when Adam was in an apartment, even if he had roommates.

Other than that... yeah, so life is going pretty good right now.  I finally quit my other job (cashier at Academy, a sporting goods store) so I don't stress about that anymore.  It's nice having weekends off of work.  But school is also coming to a close and so classes are getting insane.  I've been working so hard on my last design project that I forgot I have a paper due on Thursday that I haven't even started on. :-( I really can't wait until Dec 12 when I'm completely done with this semester.

I'm really excited about next semester because I am signed up for this Ancient Egyptian Art History course.  It's a senior-level class though, I hope I can handle it.  I just know I'm in love with ancient Egypt so I think it should be fun.  And I finally get to take a computer design class called Digital Design.

Blah, I'll put up my schedule soon-ish, before the spring semester starts.

Oh yeah, I almost got in a car wreck this morning.  This bitch ran a red light and almost hit me.  And it's funny cus as she drove by she was glaring at me as if I had been the one to run it.  Uh, no.  It's terrible, but it would've been nice to hit her so I could sue her sorry ass.

Uhm... yeah this has gotten pretty random.  Just know that things are amazing with me and Adam now!  So yay!  :-)

Okay so now I need to talk about this weekend's camping trip.

Well I left work early on Friday to head home and finish packing. We didn't leave Arlington until about 4pm on the dot. We arrived in Lake Travis at around 8pm, maybe 7:30, I can't quite remember because I slept some of the time. And I looked at the clock a lot. So anyways, we got there and set up the tent. Realized that it wasn't Adam's tent we had set up so we moved that one and set up his. We were away from everyone else's tents so it was awesome, we had our own little area. :-)

Once we were all set, we finally got to relax. I broke open the Crown Royale I had brought and began drinking. By 12:30am I was drunk. I can't remember why I went to bed, but I remember Adam leading me to our tent. On the way on this table one of our buddies had put a huge container of animal crackers. So I opened it and grabbed like two handfuls. Adam gave me a bowl for them and I put them in there. I ate a few of them on the way to the tent. He unzipped the opening, I got in (probably spilt some of the animal crackers in the process) and he took my shoes off. Then he kissed me goodnight and re-zipped the door thing. I remember vaguely taking my hair down then passing out.

I woke up at 7:30am the next morning. I saw a bowl and something in the hanging pocket thing inside the tent. At first I thought it was some Jumbolaya that a friend made the night before for dinner but then it began looking more like macaroni and cheese. Adam began waking up when I did so I said, "What's that?" and he said "Oh, I put that there." And then I said, "No... I mean what is it?" He said it was the animal crackers. I was like, "No... what animal crackers?" LoL, it was hilarious because I couldn't remember until like 10 minutes later it finally began coming to me.  Apparently when Adam finally came to bed at like 4 or 5am, he laid down and realized he was laying on something.  Then looked and saw that the animal crackers were all over the place.  LoL, great times. :-)

Saturday was endless.  It started early and ended late.  Me, Adam, and Matt (Adam's best friend who lives across the street from me) decided to go for a hike.  I thought it would be easy ya know, just simple little hike.  Nope.  We were climbing on the cliffs.  It was scary stuff.  LoL, but it was loads of fun.  My legs still hurt from it!

*Sigh* So anyways, not much else to say.  Today is my Adam's birthday, he's 28 now.  I took him out to lunch.  It was great. :-) I love him so much and things are so much better between us now.  Yay!

It's been a while since I last posted.  Mostly because last week started off sort of shaky because of what has been going on.  On Monday night Adam told me that he wanted a break.  He said that I couldn't call him unless he told me to.  And so of course he didn't call me on Tuesday until like 1 in the afternoon, so up until that point I was holding in tears trying to get through the day hoping he would change his mind.  I felt like I had already lost him.  It was obvious that he didn't really want me anymore.

On Wednesday he let me go over to his house so that we could talk about it some more.  I told him that I really am trying and that I don't want to lose him.  I told him that I know I can do better if he'd just give me a chance.  I was really scared because at first he said he didn't know if he loved me anymore.  That broke my heart.  It hurt so bad to hear him say that.  But he finally began coming around, he said that he knows how much I love him and that he doesn't want to lose me either.  So we made up and I swore to do everything I can to not bring him down anymore.

I know some of you who are reading my journal or who have been reading it probably hate Adam.  I always make him out to be the bad one.  But it's not true.  Both of us have things we need to work on, things that need improving.  For Adam, he needs to improve his communication of emotions.  He knows that it isn't fair when things seem to be perfect in my eyes and then randomly he explodes and wants to break up with me.  And I need to work on keeping my emotions in check.  I need to stop stressing so much around him so that we can have fun together once again, rather than me moping and him being miserable because he feels he can't keep me happy anymore.

I'm not mad at him.  Though on Thursday we hung out with Mallory because Friday was her birthday and me and Adam wouldn't be in Arlington to celebrate with her.  Things got really bad when we finally headed home.  Adam was extremely drunk and I asked him a simple question (What time would we be leaving on Sunday to come back home from camping) and he exploded.  He was out of control.  He wouldn't stop yelling and he wouldn't let me apologize for whatever the hell it was I had done.  It was scary, he said it was over for real this time and I thought he was being serious.

But somehow, I still don't know how, I talked him down so that he would talk to me and he apologized and we made up.  The next morning when he saw me he hugged me and apologized and said what had happened the night before was his fault and that he doesn't want to break up with me.

So anyways, yes, things are great now and I'm proud to say that this camping trip was a lot less stressful than the one we had a year ago.  I didn't let things get to me until last night a little bit, but then it got better.  I don't know what's up with me or why I let things bother me so much.  I just feel so stressed sometimes and it sucks because that's why Adam was trying to distance himself.  But I know now because of the short break we took that I can't lose him and that I'm willing to do anything to keep him.  And this means that I need to change my perspective on things.  It's going to be hard, I know this and I think that he does too.  I think it's going to be good this time.

I looked at this weekend's camping trip as a new beginning for us, like we're starting over from the beginning.  Trying to have fun rather than worry about all the bad shit.

But yeah, got other things to check out on the net... so I will try to blog about the camping trip tomorrow while I'm at work.

So things kinda got bad again.  But are you really surprised?  I swear, the way my life is going... I don't even know...

Yesterday me and Adam made plans for last night.  I would be bringing my design project over to his house and work on it there while we watch TV.  I don't know why, but I was in a terrible mood.  Everything was pissing me off.  PMS probably... So anyways I get there and I'm really not in the mood for thinking and I just want to relax for a bit.  He gets frustrated.  Okay, so because my mood is so bad he's not really talking to me.  That's okay though because he's also watching Scrubs too.  And apparently that show is more important than me since everytime I call him he's watching it and won't really pay attention to me.

So anyways, I keep getting frustrated.  And it's like 8:45-ish and his best friend Matt calls.  And Adam actually made plans with him to go to see a movie in an hour!  That asshole, I'm still really pissed about it.  He actually left me at his house for three hours so he could go watch American Gangster.  I was flipping out and he got pissed at me for making a big deal about it.  I told him that I wasn't freaking out because he was going to a movie, I was freaking out because he is the only person who has ever done this to me and he's the fucking love of my life.  I was crying so hard.  It was insane.

So while he was gone, I drank a few strong drinks his cousin had made.  So by the time Adam got back my eyes were really hard to keep open for a few reasons: [1] the huge amounts of crying, [2] the drinks, [3] I was fucking exhausted.  But things were better when he got back.

So things are better... it's just... hard.  I really think that I have PMDD... which is a more extreme version of PMS.  I get so pissed off and sad about NOTHING, seriously and it's driving both of us mad.  I don't want him to want to take a break from me because I'm really scared he will realize he's better off without me.  I'm scared  to death of losing him.

But nothing seems to be going my way.  And I got so upset last night and confused about where our relationship is.  I feel like I'm about to explode and no one will listen to me and they refuse to try to understand my side.

I don't know... I've got to get back to work now.

Sorry I haven't updated this thing in a while.  I've been working like crazy.  This weekend, I got the majority of my homework done on Saturday; I called in to work and everything.  Then I got to work on a project for design all day on Sunday.  It was hard for me to get motivated.  I hung out with my parents and my brother and sister-in-law when they got back from a trip they had taken.  And I started feeling sickly on Sunday night.

Yesterday when I woke up I felt really nasty.  I eventually threw up.  And to be honest after that, I felt a whole lot better.  But I didn't want to push my luck so I emailed all of my teachers and told them I wouldn't be in class yesterday.  Found out I got an 83 (yay!) on my art history test I took on Wednesday.  So that was good.  So yeah, I wound up sleeping until 2 in the afternoon.  I got up and moved into the living room because there was nothing on TV so I figured I'd catch up on General Hospital, which I can't watch DVR in my room.  So I watched a few episodes of that, Adam came over and made me some soup.

Blah... pretty much a dull day.  It really sucks because I hated missing work since I need the money really bad.  And Adam went out last night.  I wished that he didn't because I wanted to spend time with him.  I knew since I was sick I wouldn't be able to go out with him.  So yeah, he went out.  When I go with him he only stays out until 11pm at the latest.  Well at 11 he calls me and tells me that Meranda, my sister-in-law, and her friend Kandy were there.  So he hung out with them.  Then apparently his brother Danny (who is an alcoholic) showed up.  So Adam ended up staying out until 2am.  Fucking asshole.

I was so furious with him last night.  He stopped by my house on his way home and I got in his car and started yelling at him.  I don't know how the hell he managed to drive back from the bar because he sounded really gone.

Long story short, talked to him before I came into work.  He was really pissed at himself.  He said he's going to start using the fact that he has shit to do at home as an excuse to not stay out so late.  It's like he just can't help himself.  Yet he wants my attitude to change.  It hardly seems fair at all.

But yeah, so he should be on his way to work soon, he works at 3.  And I'm at work now.  Bored like always.  I should be reading though...

Blah.

So I apologized to mom today about yelling at her. I didn't get an apology in return, but whatever. At least it's not hell here at home.

Not that I've been home since the fighting much. Monday night I went out for Monday Night Football, didn't get back until she was in bed. And last night was Adam's mom's birthday, so I was over there.

I was writing in my journal (a real one) last night, crying my eyes out. Adam was so adamant about us having a break. And I just started thinking a lot and yeah. But anyways, at the end of the writing, I decided that today was going to be a good day.

So I got up, and guess what? Today was a fairly good day.

I got my tragus pierced! It hurt like a bitch, but I don't care, it looks really cool. And right now it doesn't hurt. Ignore the little bit of blood on the ring in that pic... just click here to see it...

So yeah, that's about all that I did for Halloween. I don't really feel much like blogging now. I'm really sleepy. I'm about to fall asleep.

I just wanted to say that today was a very good day, and even Adam said it was a relief that I was happy and having fun and not letting things get to me as badly as I have been all week. So I just hope that it continues this way because I really don't want to lose him. And I know that if things had kept on the way they were, then I would have lost him faster than I could realize. I said that to him and he agreed.

So maybe now we're doing better, at least I hope so. I just need to keep this up. I can't lose him.

So yeah, I'm out. Gotta clean this piercing before I sleep. Read the Epilogue in Bonesetter's Daughter, then pass out. Nigh

It's been a few days. Life's been busy.

Today has been an interesting day, both good and bad. Started off somewhat shakey when I woke up at 8 and realized that Adam hadn't called me and woken me up at 7 like he had promised. Only got worse when I had to rush out of the house so I wouldn't be too late to class, which started at 8:30. Called Mom on the way to tell her that I couldn't let the dogs out, thought it would be a normal conversation with a little lecturing and then hanging up. I was wrong. It was a full-blown attack. Called Adam to try to calm myself down. Then went to class.

After class, called Adam like always then called Mom, figuring that she had cooled down by then. Wrong again. It was worse. She refused to listen to me. So I wound up yelling to try to get her to listen. Didn't work. Only got worse. She asked if I would be going home right after school and letting Zac out. I said of course I would, that I was planning to anyways since I found out he hadn't been out earlier, and told her that I wasn't stupid enough to not let him out.

It gets really bad; she starts saying how much she doesn't like me and Adam together and that we aren't going to work out and she won't change her mind about him. I get angry and she hangs up on me. I call her back to tell her that no matter what she says or thinks or feels about my boyfriend will not inspire me to break up with him, that I'm not planning to ever break up with him. She says that I'm acting like him (in other words stubborn and immature - which is the only way she will allow herself to see him as). She starts lecturing me, telling me how immature I am and that if I want to be treated like an adult, then I need to act like one. Hello, I thought I'd be nice and let her know that I didn't have time to let the dogs out but that I would clean up any messes they made. This was how it started. Amazing? Well...